


Always, and forever

by softvanillavoca



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Crying Katsuki Yuuri, Cuddling, Hurt/Comfort, Inspired by Fanart, M/M, Mention of Necrophilia, Smitten Victor Nikiforov, Tumblr Fic, angst with crack, hint of lowkey codependency, victuuri ridiculously in love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-08-03
Updated: 2017-08-03
Packaged: 2018-12-10 17:58:57
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,511
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11696913
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/softvanillavoca/pseuds/softvanillavoca
Summary: Maybe a better man, a better husband would wish for a more realistic scenario. Maybe they would pray that their spouse would find the strength to move on once they’re gone and find happiness somewhere else.Unfortunately, Victor was a selfish man who was happy with just the way things were.





	Always, and forever

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this as an attempt to heal from a tumblr thing some fandom friends did [here](http://lovelytitania.tumblr.com/post/161540524669/ded-exile-wrath-forovnix) where a mourning Yuuri actually makes love to dead Victor, and this fic provides a happier, non-necrophilic take on the idea. You can click the link to check out the pretty, sfw art for it, the nsfw text discussion about it isn't included.

Victor was pulled out of his sleep by the quivering form of his husband lying on top of him. Normally he would’ve been roused awake way before now, light sleeper that he was, but the lingering traces of Temazepam in his system had left his head feel heavy and muddled. It took a distressingly long time for him to recognize that the low whistle-like sounds he had been hearing for the last ten minutes were of Yuuri sniffling, but as soon as his brain registered the details of the situation his head immediately shot up to take a better look, his muscled arms tightly wrapping around his beloved and gently rubbing all over his back.

“Yuuri,” he begged, trying to sound soothing instead of the panicked mess he really was, “Solnyshko, please tell me what’s wrong. Did something happen when I was asleep? Why are you crying?”

Somehow his attempts to mollify Yuuri only made him sob harder, and when he raised his face from Victor’s chest his eyes were puffy and red, though not as red as his heavily flushed nose. Under normal circumstances Victor might have found it cute and expressed his affection in gentle nose boops and kisses, but he had the feeling that right now wasn’t the right time for that. As soon as their gazes met Yuuri’s eyes filled with new tears, and he buried his face in Victor’s chest again with a tiny frustrated noise.

Victor felt so helpless, unable to figure out the words needed to help his dearest. Feeling awkward but determined to help, he resumed patting gently along Yuuri’s body, alternating between whispering “There, there” and kissing Yuuri’s soft hair. The skin under his fingers was smooth and warm, a sharp contrast to Victor’s own which was cold and full of goosebumps from the chill of Russian winter even after his nap.

Yuuri finally looked up after almost five minutes of repeating the comforting motions, and rasped out a “Sorry, Victor,” as he wiped at his watery eyes with the back of his right hand. Victor almost wanted to shake the beautiful and ridiculous man in front of him. Sorry for what? For seeking comfort from Victor when he was upset? Victor was his husband, it was literally his job to be there for Yuuri when he needed it.

“Why are you apologizing?” he asked, and Yuuri averted his eyes as he answered, looking ashamed.

“For…being like this. Even though I knew what we were doing, I couldn’t…I just couldn’t help getting swept away by the feelings. Being unable to tell fantasy apart from reality…I really am pathetic.”

Yuuri’s tears had stopped, but he still looked upset, biting his bottom lip in frustration. Victor automatically reached out to stop him from injuring his lips even as he scoured his memory trying to figure out what Yuuri was referring to, mentally revisiting his steps throughout the day. Since it was a day off for them both today tomorrow, they had decided to enjoy some private time to themselves after having an unusually luxurious breakfast that barely worked with their skating diet. Victor used every bit of his knowledge about nutritional strategies to treat his love to some delicious food without compromising his skating performance, and after that they watched a bad Russian afternoon drama while making out on the couch, which eventually led to…Victor’s thumb on Yuuri’s bottom lip froze as he finally remembered.

_The 69 kinks challenge!_

Yes, that’s what they had been doing this afternoon, working on their next entry for the challenge.

The challenge in question was something Christophe (to nobody’s surprise) had come up with. Although he also shared some of the blame himself, Victor supposed, since it was his repeated bragging about how he and Yuuri managed to hit so many kinks during their honeymoon that had roused Chris’s competitive spirit. Not willing to be outdone by his friends, he came up with the idea of the 69 kinks challenge and posted it on his unofficial blog that promotes sex ed[[1]](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11696913#work_endnotes), providing a list of one hundred kinks and challenging the readers to complete at least sixty-nine out of them. Both Victor and Yuuri would have been perfectly happy to ignore the post, but during their last post-competition outing Christophe had been smart enough to challenge a slightly tipsy Yuuri, drunk enough to lose his shame but sober enough to remember. Even though Yuuri had been less than pleased the next day, he had refused to go back on his word and agreed to try out the challenge as long as both he and Victor got an equal say in choosing the kinks.

In hindsight, maybe they should’ve been more selective in the choices they picked. As long as the kink in question was something that was hygienic (Yuuri’s face had turned an interesting shade of blue when he had spotted the ‘scat’ entry), could be performed in private (it was only logical to opt out of public sex considering they had an image to maintain, though Victor could fondly remember a blushing Yuuri giving an approving nod to semi-public shenanigans) and between just two partners (both of them were way too possessive and devoted to one another to ever want to share their beloved with anyone else), they had agreed to at least give it a try.

But maybe necrophilia roleplay was really a bit too much.

Victor scanned his surroundings, and confirmed that Yuuri had indeed gone ahead with the plan while he had been knocked out cold. Both of them were missing their pants (though Victor had the upper half of his suit on), and there was the distinct scent of sex in the air, the condom full of Yuuri’s semen pressing uncomfortably against Victor’s thigh. Although their disheveled state itself wasn’t anything out of the ordinary, Yuuri’s distressed expression was a clear sign that things had not gone as smoothly as they had expected.

Victor wanted to kick himself. He should’ve predicted this, should’ve discussed the idea in more detail with Yuuri before deeming it safe to attempt. Victor, fool that he was, had analyzed the details of the play with a cold, clinical eye, finding it hardly much different than the times they roused each other out of bed with good morning blowjobs. Take a sleeping pill and sleep like the dead while your partner ‘pretends’ that they’re having sex with your ‘lifeless’ form. It was meant to be a joke, just something to fill their quota to avoid doing the more stereotypically embarrassing options. It was easy to imagine for Victor, for whom acting came as naturally as breathing; Victor, who had been pretending in every aspect of his life for so long that staying completely emotionally detached from whatever role he was supposed to play was nothing for him.

But Yuuri, his sweet, precious Yuuri, always felt emotions much more strongly than someone like Victor. Although his tunnel vision sometimes made him unable to fully comprehend the feelings of others, he was a creature of empathy at his core. The way he put his heart and soul into his performances on the ice, completely immersing himself in the role each and every time, was something that carried over to the bedroom too. In some cases it could be useful, like the times when Yuuri became the perfect incarnation of Eros itself and simply blew Victor’s mind, but in this particular case his talent for immersion had been extremely detrimental to his mental state. At some point of the roleplay, Yuuri had become one with the grieving man in the script, and despite his brain being aware of the truth, he could not help but hurt the way he would have if Victor truly had been dead, forever lost to him.

Just imagining Yuuri like that, alone and left behind, was enough to make Victor’s heart clench painfully. “Forgive me, Yuuri,” he pleaded, carding his fingers through Yuuri’s soft, fluffy hair and kissing his forehead, which for some reason made him look ready to burst into tears again. “It was my fault. No silly challenge is worth hurting you, and my callousness did just that.I shouldn’t have pushed you into this.”

“Victor,”Yuuri’s eyes were sharp when he addressed Victor, the teary face from seconds ago seeming like a lie. “You didn’t make me do anything. I chose to do this, didn’t pay enough attention to what it really entailed, and got too much into the setting as a result. It’s not your fault that I misjudged my limits.” Despite the hoarseness of his slightly trembling voice, Yuuri’s gaze was steady and determined, making it clear that Victor wasn’t allowed to blame himself.

“But-”

“It wasn’t your fault. I was the one who failed to keep a cool head. I got too emotional over a script, and it just means that I was mentally weak enough to be taken over-”

“Now stop right there.” Victor silenced his husband by pressing his index finger against Yuuri’s slightly chapped lips. “Your emotions aren’t your weakness, Yuuri. I won’t blame myself if you don’t want me to, but it’s only fair that you do the same. There’s nothing wrong with being emotional. One of the reasons I always admired your skating was the way you embodied the emotions of your role in your movements, and I don’t ever want you to be ashamed of how genuine your heart is, Yuuri.” Victor planted a soft kiss on Yuuri’s eyelids, and observed the resulting flush spreading over Yuuri’s cheeks with great pleasure. “If this stupid challenge is upsetting you instead of being fun, then we just need to stop doing it. Don’t hurt yourself being stubborn about something that isn’t a good fit for us, Yuuri.” Victor knew the last sentence would fly over Yuuri’s head, but he had to try.

Predictably, Yuuri shook his head. “I want to explore new things together with you. That hasn’t changed, even now. Today’s play was a flop, yeah, but I’m not going to give up just because we made one poor choice. There are so many other things in the list that I actually am looking forward to trying out.” Yuuri’s smile as he met Victor’s eyes was weak but genuine, and Victor felt like his heart was going to burst from how full of love it was. His strong, beautiful Yuuri. It would forever be a mystery to Victor how he managed to view himself as weak. 

“Got it. But just to be safe let’s cross out cuckhold roleplay[[2]](http://archiveofourown.org/works/11696913#work_endnotes) from the list, hmm? I don’t ever want to do something like that to hurt you again, Yuuri, so we should avoid any roleplays that would upset you if the situations actually happened.”

“I don’t think that would upset me like this did, but yeah, it doesn’t really sound appealing.” Yuuri flopped onto Victor’s chest once again, though this time his mouth was curled in a cute pout instead of the distraught expression from earlier. “Your skin is too cold,” he mumbled.

“Well, I did take Makkachin out for a walk right before we started our play, and it was freezing outside.” Victor suspected that his low body temperature was reminding Yuuri of the bad memories, but when he made a move to wriggle away from under Yuuri’s body to turn up the heat, Yuuri made a protesting whine and snuggled closer. Victor’s heart swelled from the blatant display of neediness, though he would have been able to enjoy it more if Yuuri’s actions didn’t mostly stem from his previous distress.

“Solnyshko, just give me a moment to turn up the heat. Then we can cuddle. Also don’t you want to get rid of that?” Victor gestured to the condom still attached to Yuuri, who seemed to have completely forgotten about it until now. His husband made a disgruntled noise, but pulled off the condom to toss it to the bedside waste basket nevertheless. Meanwhile Victor stripped off the remains of his suit (he was starting to feel silly from having only his lower half naked) and walked to the heater to adjust the temperature.

As soon as he returned to their bed, strong arms wrapped around his neck to pull him down on top of a feverishly warm body.

“Make love to me,” Yuuri whispered, spreading his legs and wrapping them around Victor’s wrist in one smooth motion. “Please. I just…I just need to feel that you’re here with me.” Yuuri’s voice was soft, needy and just a touch of desperate, no matter how hard he tried to keep his tone level.

“Of course, my heart.” There was nothing Victor would love more than to do just that. “I’m here. And I’ll always be, right by your side, even when we become old grumpy men with shot knees and two dozen dogs.”

His claim made Yuuri giggle, and Victor spent a moment to relish in the melodic sound before leaning down to steal it away.

The rest of the evening passed quite productively, in Victor’s opinion, since he spent almost every second of it worshipping his dear husband’s body in every way he knew how. It was a rare thing for Yuuri to be so submissive, normally preferring to be in control regardless of whether he was taking Victor apart with his ass or his cock, but today he seemed to just prefer watching Victor with a yearning gaze or clinging onto him for dear life, as Victor used his body to reassure his love over and over that Victor would stay close to him, in every stage of their lives, right by his side.

 _I love you_ , Victor tried to say it with every cell of his body. _You’ll never be alone, I promise._

And every time Yuuri looked back at him with teary eyes but a smile on his lips, Victor was convinced that his message had gotten through.

Later that night, as Victor waited for the happily dozing Yuuri on his chest to wake up so they could have dinner, there was only one prayer he had in his heart. _God, please, if there’s a day when death do us part, please let that parting be as short as possible._

Maybe it was a little morbid to pray for something like ‘may we die together’, but those were Victor’s honest feelings. He had frankly never put much thought into it before today, but imagining a world without Yuuri in it did scare him more than death itself. From the way Yuuri fell apart today from just pretending, it appeared that Yuuri felt the same way. Maybe a better man, a better husband would wish for a more realistic scenario. Maybe they would pray that their spouse would find the strength to move on once they’re gone and find happiness somewhere else.

Unfortunately, Victor was a selfish man who was happy with just the way things were.

Staying together without ever leaving each other’s side.

Always, and forever.

**Author's Note:**

> [1] A shoutout to [my other fic](http://archiveofourown.org/works/10216457)
> 
> [2] A shoutout to [this manga (NSFW)](https://myreadingmanga.info/harada-henai-maotoko-hen-eng/)


End file.
